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suspect but cant prove
im married to a nigerian lady, said to be christian, and raised within the african tradition about marriage. She was here on a visa for 5 months, and though i told her that i had limitations both personal and economical, b4 we met, she started very fast to put blame on me, calling me worthless, and seemingly disapointed though i d told her the conditions. She went out on her own, i gave her tables and numbers of buses and trains, as i d introduced her to a fellow country (wo)man.
I expected her back or at least to phone me.
She never got to the friends place, and i had a call from a Stockholm subwaystation around midnite. I talked with a woman there that promised me to show my wife the way to the nitebus so she could get home.
I went out looking for the arriving bus...but she wasnt on it.
The following day i got a call from a portier at a hotel, saying the location to pick up my wife, as she didnt know.
I did get her back home, but during the trip she didnt want to sit by me on the train, and she was in a lousy mood. She told me smth about meeting someone and spending the nite there.(she didnt say at the hotel though)
I believed her.
She talked about a friend that could give her a job, but as he was only available on early mornings she went there the nite b4 and wasnt at home those nites.
She also mentioned that because of her visastatus only (not a residential permit) she couldnt get a legal job.
Then i thought she had no reason to go there anymore.
But she did this over and over again. Sometimes after being in church.
I asked her about this, but she called it stupid questions, and when i insisted she start sayuing how worthless i was and God would punish me, and she grabbed things and hit me till i was bloody, and pointed at her pussy and asked if i wanted it!
one day i was home from work because i was really depressed, and she came home from her friend or friends, and was very upset about finding me there. I was expecting some care from her, but she started wording me anything bad she could come up with.
we fought again, and a neighbour came and invited both of us for drinks, i got drunk and cried half the nite, and my wife went away again.
I packed her things and wanted her out, and i called her brother in Nigeria, and he went hard on her, and because of me telling the brother she beat me again later.
almost every weekend she went away.
but for a while i was cool about it, but she never told me anything about her doings.
I had these suspicions all along, though i didnt manifest them always.
she hit me again when i finally asked her if there was another man, and she said so, but she was angry then and i said things too that i otherwise wouldnt.
i told her as she started to hit me again, that illd call the police.
she called me a coward.
but she hit me and i called them.
they came and took her in for questions. And all the time she said she didnt do anything.
A few days b4 she had to go back to Nigeria, i was able to check her phone.
She kept it close to her all the time, and slept with it. And when she was awya she never gave me her phonenumber, and changed with every prepaid card. And the phone was off when i called once i d found a number.
She went outside when she received calls in english, anytime of the day or nite.
Anyway in her phonebook i noticed 3 Johns so i rapidly wrote down those numbers and later called them.
Non of them had the name of John, and all of them had funny excuses why she had their number. "someone borrowed my phone"
" i dont know any such woman" aso.
she denies all this and says she dont know what a John is.
And i asked her why she slept with the phone and sometimes took calls at 4 am in the morning. I have to she said, if they need me.
Now comes the hard thing.
I still love her! And i ve forgiven her though she havnt admit anything, just that she did me wrong, but not how.
My worries is can i trust her in this?
whats your experience? Anyone?
Bert in Sweden
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